In which I can't seem to get a grip

Well, Day 2 started off better. She slept most of last night, but restlessly. She was up earlier than yesterday, and the morning was okay. We headed out around 10:30 AM or so to go to the grocery. We really need these outings, because just the two of us stuck in this hotel room all day, that's enough to drive anyone crazy. The weather here is about 65 degrees today, overcast. I love it because the hotel room isn't scorching hot. Of course, I didn't bring jackets for either of us, but I did bundle her up in jeans and hat and a blanket. Oh, the looks I got from people on the street. You would think I had her out in a swimsuit in the snow. On my way out of the hotel, a lady stopped me and told me in her broken English that it was too cold for a child. I just said, "She'll be fine," and off we went. I had at least three more people mime "cold!" for me, like maybe my own skin receptors don't work? I shouldn't be surprised, as these people do believe in roasting their children alive. But it was slightly irritating. I know, I know, when in Rome, right? But after this stifling hotel room, the fresh air and cool breeze feels wonderful. So I left her to it. Of course, when we got back, the maid had shut off our fan and closed all the windows, so the hotel room was hot again. But nothing I can't fix with a little opening action, ha, take that, nosy maids!

She was a pill through lunch, so about halfway through, I cleaned her up and put her down for a nap. She slept about 3 hours. She was happy for a while, then absolutely beside herself for a while, crying and screaming. Then she ate a little bit of dinner, had a big bottle of formula, and is asleep for the night (I hope) now at 7:11 PM. Slightly earlier than her 9 PM bedtime (per the baby house schedule they sent me). But her night time sleep is off, her naps are off, so I'm okay with letting her sleep when she needs to.

So as far as her diet, she is doing really well. She has only spit up once since I got her, as opposed to several times a day when we were visiting her at the baby house, and that was only in the space of 3 hours. She eats baby oatmeal (brought from the States) and either a yogurt or a baby food fruit for breakfast, with milk. She has a formula bottle for nap. Lunch is oatmeal again, with another can of baby food in it, some sort of meat and veggies. Another bottle for second nap. Dinner is mashed potatoes and whatever vegetable I can scrape up in the cafe downstairs, usually peas, maybe some meat. Then a bottle for bed. I haven't really given her much in the way of solids, except some fruit puffs or Cheerios every now and then. I think she's doing well on her new diet of mostly baby foods, instead of solids, lots of acidic vegetables, and lots and lots of meat! She'll have a much better selection of fruits and veggies once we get home.

Ah, home. I am so ready to get home. Her crying jags lead to my own. As much as she is trying to bond to me, I am trying to bond to her. I've read a million and one adoption stories, blogs, books, you name it. I know I am not the only one in the history of adoption to not feel an instant emotional connection with their child. I care about her, and I care for her. But the bond is still forming. Why does no one ever write the truth about things? Wouldn't life be easier if someone was just honest about their feelings, instead of trying to win the Mother of the Year award? I'm reminded of just after I had Ari, and I was feeling so bad, and I was thinking maybe it was PPD, but I couldn't remember anyone (besides a doctor - no one in real life) ever talking about it with me. People love to hide their shortcomings, when they could just be honest about them instead and help so many other people. So: bonds are formed, not made overnight, and that is the truth. I talked to Keith yesterday during some of our (read: her) worst moments, and he is such a reality check for me. This is going to work, but it's going to be work. Once we get home, he and I can work together to get her settled in. This is why God gives us partners, so that we don't lock ourselves in bathrooms and never come out. This is why I love him!

That's enough for today. She's not crying, she's sleeping, so I should decompress a little bit. Maybe drink another liter of grapefruit juice. Maybe finish my last book I brought with me, The Poisonwood Bible. So far I've read: A Wedding in December by Anita Shreve, Firefly Cloak by Sheri Reynolds, and Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. Now I'm on my fourth and final novel I brought! This is no good, I need my reading! Especially since they don't get Big Brother: All Stars in Kazakhstan. Boo!